By Dr. Bliss Lewis, MD
How Knowing Your Values Can Help You Feel Better and Make Better Choices
Have you ever stopped to think about what really matters to you?
Not just what you want to do—like starting a business or going on a trip—but what kind of person you want to be. That’s where values come in. Your values are the deep-down things you believe are important. They help guide your choices and shape how you live.
Knowing your values can make life feel less confusing. They’re like a compass that points you in the right direction—even when things get hard or feel uncertain.
In this article, we’ll talk about:
- What values are (and what they’re not)
- Why values are important for your mental health
- How your values can change over time
- A simple way to figure out what your top values are
Let’s get started!
What Are Values?
Values are the big ideas that matter most to you in life.
They’re not things you can check off a list. They’re not goals like “buy a house” or “get a new job.” Instead, they’re more like your “why”—why you care about what you care about.
Here are some examples of values:
- Kindness
- Freedom
- Family
- Honesty
- Adventure
- Safety
Your values guide your choices, big and small. For example:
- If you value freedom, you might choose a job with flexible hours.
- If you value kindness, you might go out of your way to help others.
- If you value health, you might work out regularly and eat nutritious food.
Values vs. Goals, Preferences, and Personality
It’s easy to mix up values with other things, so let’s make it really clear:
- Values are not goals. A goal is something you can finish, like “start a business.” A value is the reason behind it, like “independence” or “creativity.”
- Values are not preferences. You might prefer working alone—but the value behind that might be “peace” or “focus.”
- Values are not personality traits. Being shy or outgoing is part of your personality. But you could be shy and still value “community” or “teamwork.”
Why Values Matter for Mental Health
Your values don’t just help you make choices—they also help you feel better emotionally.
Here’s what the science says:
1. When your values don’t match your actions, it can feel bad.
Have you ever done something that didn’t feel “right,” even if it made sense? That might be because it went against one of your values.
When your actions don’t line up with your values, it can lead to:
- Anxiety
- Stress
- Sadness
- Feeling lost or stuck
One study found that when people live in ways that don’t match their values, they often feel worse mentally. But when people act in line with their values, they feel happier and more balanced.³
2. People with emotional struggles often have more value conflicts.
In a large research study, people with mental health problems—like anxiety or depression—had more inner conflict around their values. For example, they might want both success and peace, but feel like they can’t have both.
These people also tended to focus more on values like power or achievement and less on things like fun or joy.¹
That’s not bad—but it shows how inner stress can shape what we think is important. And if our values are out of balance, it can hurt our mental health.
3. Emotional awareness helps you live your values better.
Another study showed that people with better emotional skills—called “emotional intelligence”—are more likely to live out their values. They know how they feel, why they feel that way, and what to do about it.²
That means it’s not just about knowing your values. It’s also about understanding yourself enough to live them.
Your Values Can Change Over Time
While values are pretty steady, they can shift based on life events.
Here are a few examples:
- You become a parent and start to value security and stability more than freedom or adventure.
- You go through a health scare and realize how much you value community or spirituality.
- You grow up with very little money, and once you’re stable, you discover you value generosity because now you can help others.
Your experiences shape what’s important to you. That’s normal and healthy. The key is to keep checking in with yourself as you grow.
How to Find Your Key Values
Ready to discover your top values? Here’s a simple three-step process.
Step 1: Think about your life
Ask yourself:
- When did I feel really proud?
- When did I feel truly happy or alive?
- What makes me upset or frustrated? (This can show you what value is being blocked.)
- Who do I admire, and why?
Your answers will give you clues about what matters to you.
Step 2: Look at this list of values
Pick your top 6. You can add your own if you don’t see one that fits.
- Authenticity: Being true to yourself
- Attention: Being focused on people or tasks
- Compassion: Being kind, even when it’s hard
- Cooperation: Working well with others
- Creativity: Coming up with new ideas
- Fitness: Taking care of your body and mind
- Flexibility: Being open to change
- Freedom: Living how you want
- Generosity: Giving to others
- Gratitude: Being thankful
- Humility: Knowing your limits
- Independence: Making your own choices
- Intimacy: Having deep, honest relationships
- Kindness: Caring for others
- Open-mindedness: Listening to different views
- Persistence: Not giving up
- Respect: Treating others (and yourself) with care
- Responsibility: Doing what you say you’ll do
- Self-awareness: Understanding your thoughts and feelings
- Spirituality: Feeling connected to something bigger than yourself
Step 3: Rank your top values
Take the six you picked and put them in order. Which ones are most important right now? Your answers may change over time—and that’s okay.
Keep Your Values in Sight
Once you’ve picked your top values, write them down.
You can:
- Keep them on a sticky note
- Add them to your phone
- Write them in a journal
Use them to help you:
- Make decisions
- Set goals
- Understand yourself better
- Stay calm during hard times
When you’re not sure what to do, ask:
- “Which choice fits with my values?”
- “Am I living in a way that matches what matters to me?”
Final Thoughts
Your values are like a North Star. They help you find your way—even when life feels confusing.
Knowing your values can make your life feel more meaningful, your choices more clear, and your mental health more balanced. And the best part? They’re already inside you. You just have to take a little time to find them.
Other resources: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act-therapy
Pdf for your own values quiz:
https://acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aaid:sc:US:604caa55-8583-4844-b45e-90c462ba0bbe
Cited Research Articles
Arens, E. A., Christoffel, M., & Stangier, U. (2022). Value priorities and value conflicts in patients with mental disorders compared to a general population sample. Scientific Reports, 12(1), 3974. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-022-07758-4
Jacobs, I., & Wollny, A. (2022). Personal values, trait emotional intelligence, and mental health problems. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 63(2), 155–163. https://doi.org/10.1111/sjop.12785
Hanel, P. H. P., Tunç, H., Bhasin, D., Litzellachner, L. F., & Maio, G. R. (2024). Value fulfillment and well-being: Clarifying directions over time. Journal of Personality, 92(4), 1037–1049. https://doi.org/10.1111/jopy.12869
Chrystal, M., Karl, J. A., & Fischer, R. (2019). The complexities of “minding the gap”: Perceived discrepancies between values and behavior affect well-being. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 736. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.00736
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