Finding Peace Through Endings: A Guide to Transitions

As a psychiatrist and therapist, I’ve witnessed many individuals move through life transitions and endings are particularly hard on all of us. Endings—whether chosen or thrust upon us—create ripples through our emotional landscape that can surprise us with their intensity and complexity.

Our minds get challenged and potentially enriched by significant life changes: career shifts, relationship endings, relocations, health diagnoses, and the more profound losses that reshape our understanding of ourselves and our world.

Understanding the Neuroscience of Transition

Research reveals that our brains process endings as a form of threat. A 2021 study in Neuropsychologia demonstrated that even positive transitions activate the amygdala—our brain’s alarm system—creating physiological stress responses similar to those experienced during actual danger. This explains why even desired changes can trigger anxiety, sleep disturbances, and emotional volatility.

What’s particularly fascinating is how previous losses influence our neurological response to current transitions. Bessel van der Kolk’s research shows that the brain stores emotional memories of past endings in ways that can be unconsciously activated by present circumstances. This means that your seemingly disproportionate reaction to a minor ending may actually be your nervous system responding to the accumulated weight of multiple transitions.

Seven Evidence-Based Strategies for Processing Transitions

Based on current research in neuroscience, trauma-informed care, and mindfulness practices, I’ve developed these guidelines to help navigate endings with greater emotional equilibrium:

1. Engage in Meaning-Making Practices

Research by Michael Steger at Colorado State University demonstrates that finding meaning in transitions significantly reduces their negative psychological impact. Rather than simply enduring an ending, reflect on what it has taught you, how it has changed you, and what possibilities it might create. Journaling with specific prompts about lessons learned can transform painful endings into opportunities for growth.

2. Honor the Transition Physically

Studies in somatic psychology show that our bodies hold emotional memories of transitions. Create a physical ritual that acknowledges the ending—this might be as simple as rearranging furniture, taking a meaningful walk, or creating a small ceremony. Research from the University of Arizona found that physical rituals reduced grief intensity by providing concrete closure experiences.

3. Practice Self-Regulation Techniques

The polyvagal theory pioneered by Dr. Stephen Porges offers valuable insights into managing the nervous system during transitions. When we feel overwhelmed, specific breathing techniques can activate the vagus nerve, shifting us from fight-or-flight into a calmer state. Try breathing in for a count of four, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight—research shows this pattern can reduce cortisol levels within minutes.

4. Maintain Predictable Routines

Research in chronobiology reveals that maintaining consistent daily patterns helps stabilize mood during transitions. While the ending itself may disrupt certain routines, preserving others—regular sleep schedules, meal times, exercise—provides your nervous system with much-needed predictability, reducing overall stress response.

5. Contextualize Your Experience

George Bonanno’s research on resilience demonstrates that understanding your emotional response as normal and expected improves recovery outcomes. Rather than judging your feelings about an ending, recognize them as part of a universal human experience. This cognitive reframing reduces shame and isolation, which can otherwise complicate the transition process.

6. Cultivate Dual Awareness

Mindfulness research by Jon Kabat-Zinn shows that developing the capacity to simultaneously experience emotion while observing it creates psychological flexibility. Practice noticing your feelings about the ending while also observing them with curiosity: “Part of me feels deeply sad about this change, and I can notice that sadness with compassion.” This dual awareness prevents becoming overwhelmed by emotional responses.

7. Connect Selectively

While social support is crucial during transitions, research by Shelley Taylor at UCLA shows that quality matters more than quantity. Rather than seeking broad validation, identify specific individuals who can provide the unique support you need—whether that’s practical assistance, emotional understanding, or distraction. Communicating clearly about what helps you prevents well-intentioned but unhelpful responses that can increase distress.

When Professional Support May Help

Despite our best efforts, some transitions trigger reactions that feel unmanageable alone. Consider seeking professional support if:

• Your emotional response significantly interferes with daily functioning
• You notice patterns of similar difficult reactions to multiple endings
• The transition has triggered memories of past trauma
• You’re experiencing persistent sleep disturbances, appetite changes, or mood instability
• You find yourself unable to envision moving forward

If you’re finding yourself overwhelmed by a significant life transition, remember that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. With the right tools and guidance, difficult endings can become meaningful stepping stones toward greater resilience.